In this transformative episode, I invite you into an exploration of the most profound intimacy possible – the relationship you have with yourself. Playing with the word “intimacy” as “Into-Me-See,” I challenge the conventional understanding of connection and reveal how self-knowledge becomes the cornerstone of authentic living.

“What if the most profound form of intimacy isn’t about being with another, but it’s about being fully present and rigorously honest with yourself?”

This conversation is particularly relevant for high-achieving women who often find themselves caught in cycles of external validation. We look for love in all the wrong places, expecting fulfillment from others, achieving accolades only to feel empty afterward, or constantly climbing the next mountain without celebrating previous accomplishments. We keep ourselves busy performing instead of allowing ourselves to truly be seen – even by ourselves.

I begin by reframing intimacy entirely, sharing insights about how Western approaches often focus on connecting with others while missing the fundamental truth: the most profound form of intimacy is being fully present and rigorously honest with yourself. This means being transparent about who you are – “warts and all” – without the masks we’ve learned to wear.

“True intimacy means being willing to sit with all those parts – the confident, accomplished self and the fearful, vulnerable self – without turning away.”

Through the story of Linda, a successful entrepreneur who appeared to have everything together, I illustrate how outward success can mask inner emptiness. Despite her thriving business, Linda felt disconnected from herself, constantly seeking validation by asking others “Do you think I’m doing a good job?” or “Do you love me?” This pattern, which many of us recognize, stems from losing touch with our own needs, desires, and sense of self-worth.

The breakthrough came through a simple but powerful exercise: sitting in front of a mirror with a journal, asking “What am I afraid to see when I look into myself?” Initially uncomfortable, this practice gradually helped Linda identify the parts of herself she’d been avoiding. As she developed these daily “Into Me, See” moments, she began needing less validation from others and showing up more fully in her relationships.

I then break down the intimacy metaphor into three essential components:

First, the mirror exercise – imagining a reflection that shows not just physical appearance but emotions, fears, and desires. I guide listeners to notice which parts of themselves they avoid examining and encourage writing these observations down as an act of release rather than judgment.

Second, examining the armor we wear – the achievements, perfectionism, and people-pleasing that protect us from the discomfort of seeing ourselves fully. While this armor feels protective, it actually prevents genuine connection, especially with ourselves. I invite reflection on what armor you’re wearing and how it might feel to remove it.

Third, embracing the shadow – those aspects of ourselves we hide, deny, and judge. True intimacy isn’t just about loving our positive qualities; it’s about acknowledging our shadow with compassion. I encourage sitting with one judged aspect of yourself and considering what you’d say to that part with kindness.

“If I can sit with my own discomfort, I won’t need someone else to fix it for me. Instead, I can connect from a place of wholeness, creating healthier, more authentic relationships.”

The episode explores how self-intimacy transforms relationships. When we’re deeply connected with ourselves, accepting both strengths and flaws, we stop seeking others to complete us or fill emotional gaps. This allows us to show up as whole, authentic beings capable of giving and receiving love without expectations or hidden agendas.

I share two powerful affirmations: “The depth of my connection with another can only be as deep as the connection I have with myself” and “If I can sit with my own discomfort, I won’t need someone else to fix it for me.” These insights point toward creating relationships from wholeness rather than neediness.

The episode concludes with reflection questions from my “Into-Me-See” exercise:

• What is it about knowing myself that I’m afraid of?
• What do I believe intimacy is? And where did that belief come from?
• Whose story am I holding about intimacy?
• How can I practice intimacy with myself today?
• What part of me have I been avoiding or hiding?
• What am I afraid to see when I look into myself?
• What would happen if I could see and accept all of me?
• What armor am I wearing right now?
• What would it feel like to take off that armor and let myself be seen, even if only by me?
• If I could sit with one aspect of myself that I judge or reject, what would it be? And what would I say to that part of me?

This isn’t just theoretical self-help – it’s practical guidance for the courageous work of authentic living. The deepest connections we can create begin with the one we have with ourselves, and “Into-Me-See” is where transformation starts.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/podcast-resource-optin/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60