Today, I invite you to peel back the layers of what “letting go” truly means in our validation-hungry world. Moving beyond the simplified phrases we see scrolling through social media feeds, I share how releasing our need for external validation may be the most powerful form of self-acceptance we can practice.

“Letting go is a practice, not a one-time event. Just like forgiveness, it’s about creating space for self-acceptance, sometimes moment by moment.”

I begin by addressing a frustration I once felt deeply – being told to “let go” without understanding what exactly I was supposed to release or how to do it. This vague advice often leaves us more confused than empowered. That’s why I clarify immediately what letting go isn’t: it’s not about dismissing our feelings, bypassing emotions, or pretending painful events never happened.

“Letting go isn’t about ignoring pain or bypassing our emotions. It’s about releasing the attachment to a specific outcome or the need for external validation to feel worthy.”

Instead, I frame letting go as releasing our attachment to specific outcomes and, most importantly, freeing ourselves from the need for external validation to feel worthy. This subtle but profound shift changes everything about how we move through the world.

Through relatable examples, I explore how we often hold onto hurtful comments not because of the words themselves, but because of the meaning we’ve assigned to them. I share insights from a conversation with my friend Markita about not taking things personally, explaining how people’s negative comments usually reflect their own inner battles – they’re “throwing up” their pain onto us, hoping to feel better momentarily.

“The more we rely on external validation, the more we give away our power. We place our self-worth in someone else’s hands.”

I then dive deeper into how external validation works in our lives, from refreshing social media pages waiting for likes to seeking approval from parents, partners, and friends. While I acknowledge the natural human desire for connection and recognition, I emphasize how placing our self-worth in others’ hands gives away our power and leaves us emotionally dependent on feedback that may never come.

The heart of the episode focuses on three practical steps to begin letting go:

• First, acknowledging the need – I guide listeners through identifying specific areas where they’re seeking approval, whether in work, relationships, appearance, or elsewhere. I invite a moment of embodied reflection, noticing how this need for validation feels in your body and what thoughts or memories arise.

• Second, shifting focus – Instead of waiting for external affirmation, I offer ways to validate yourself through simple self-affirming statements. I make an important distinction between enjoying positive feedback versus needing it to feel worthy, emphasizing how different these experiences feel internally.
• Third, reframing rejection – When we don’t receive the response we hoped for, I suggest asking yourself: “Is this really about me?” and “What can I learn from this experience to strengthen my inner voice?” These questions help differentiate between others’ projections and genuine feedback while turning disappointing moments into opportunities for growth.

Throughout the episode, I reinforce three key takeaways: that letting go means accepting our feelings without needing external validation to confirm our worth; that releasing the need for validation helps us refocus on our own inner voice; and that letting go is an ongoing practice, not a one-time event.

I conclude with journaling prompts to deepen this exploration: identifying where you’re holding onto others’ opinions, imagining how it would feel to release them, and writing down the validating words you wish someone would say to you – then saying them to yourself. I share research-backed insights about how speaking to yourself in the third person can be particularly effective in building self-compassion.

“Letting go is not about erasing memory. It’s about loosening the grip on the belief that others’ words define you.”

This episode speaks to anyone who has felt the weight of seeking validation, the sting of criticism, or the emptiness of approval that never quite fills the void. It offers both compassionate understanding and practical tools to reclaim your power, one moment of self-acceptance at a time.

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/podcast-resource-optin/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60