In this vulnerable and transformative episode, I invite you into a conversation about something I’ve struggled with deeply – the exhausting pursuit of external validation and approval. This journey toward accepting our inherent worthiness isn’t just professional for me – it’s deeply personal.

“When your self-worth depends upon the approval of others, you give away your power. But when your worth comes from within, you become unshakable.”

I begin by asking a crucial question: Where does your self-worth come from? For many of us, especially in today’s world of likes, follows, and carefully curated social media, our sense of value has become dangerously entangled with how others perceive us. When our worth depends on someone else’s opinion, we become emotional yo-yos – rising with praise, crashing with criticism, and always chasing the next hit of validation.

With vulnerable honesty, I share my own story of over-performing, people-pleasing, and silencing my needs to earn approval in both relationships and work. I describe how this pattern was rooted in a core belief that “I didn’t matter” – a realization that only came through deep forgiveness work. This led to relationships where I catered excessively to others (some appreciated it, some took advantage) and work situations where I pushed myself to physical breakdown trying to prove my worth.

I offer clear signs to help you recognize if you’re caught in the validation trap: anxiety without feedback, constant unfavorable comparison, fear of expressing authentic thoughts, and achievements that feel strangely empty. Beyond identification, I emphasize the emotional toll this takes – low self-esteem, anxiety, burnout, and perhaps most damaging, disconnection from your authentic self.

“What would your life feel like if you truly believed you didn’t have to prove anything to anyone? That’s the freedom we’re reaching for.”

The heart of this episode lies in the four-step pathway to freedom that has helped me and countless clients reclaim inner strength:

1. Identifying Core Beliefs – I guide you through recognizing limiting beliefs like “I’m only lovable if I succeed” or “I must make others happy to be valued,” and offer transformative alternatives like “I am worthy simply because I exist.”
2. Practicing Self-Compassion – I address how we talk to ourselves, inviting gentler self-dialogue and recognition of our efforts, not just outcomes.
3. Reclaiming Your Inner Voice – Through powerful journaling prompts like “What do I truly want, even if no one approves?” I help you reconnect with desires that may have been buried under others’ expectations.
4. Building Self-Trust – I explain how keeping promises to yourself, setting boundaries, honoring values, and practicing self-forgiveness builds the foundation for unshakable confidence.

Throughout the episode, I pause to create space for reflection, inviting you to write down insights rather than passively listening. I pose transformative questions like “What would your life feel like if you truly believed you didn’t have to prove anything to anyone?” – creating moments of potential breakthrough.

“We twist ourselves to fit others’ expectations. We become performers instead of being real. And over time, we can forget who we truly are.”

The episode concludes with practical tools for daily implementation: affirmations that reinforce inherent worth, journaling prompts to explore self-love and personal definitions of success, mindfulness practices to return home to yourself, and prompts to examine motivations behind goals.

My message is both gentle and powerful: You don’t need to perform, prove yourself, or be perfect. Your worth isn’t something to be earned – it’s your birthright. This journey of letting go of external validation begins with awareness, grows through compassion, and strengthens with practice.

This episode isn’t just information – it’s an invitation to transformation. It speaks to anyone who has ever dimmed their light to fit in, sacrificed authenticity for acceptance, or measured their value through others’ eyes. It offers both the compassionate understanding of someone who’s walked this path and practical guidance for reclaiming the unshakable worth that has been within you all along.

“You do not need to perform. You do not need to prove yourself. You do not need to be perfect. You are already worthy, you are already enough just because you exist.”

Resources:

Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/podcast-resource-optin/

Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60