Imagine this scenario: You’re in a meeting and have an important question, but instead of simply asking, you begin with, “Sorry, can I ask a quick question?” The words slip out instinctively, and while they may seem polite, they subtly convey doubt and hesitation. When women overuse apologies in professional and personal conversations, it weakens their communication, making them appear less confident and capable.

Apologizing when unnecessary can give the impression that we are unsure of ourselves or need permission to take up space. While there is a time and place for genuine apologies, defaulting to “sorry” in situations that don’t warrant it diminishes the power of our words. The good news? We can replace these unnecessary apologies with strong, confident language that commands respect and clarity with a few simple shifts.

Common Phrases to Stop Saying

Many women don’t realize how often we preface our thoughts and requests with unnecessary apologies. Here are a few common phrases that can weaken our presence and how they can be replaced:

• “Sorry to bother you, but…” – This phrase suggests that your presence or request is inconvenient. Instead, try: “Excuse me, do you have a moment?” or “I need to discuss something with you.”
• “I just wanted to say…” – The word “just” minimizes the importance of what follows. Instead, be direct: “I want to say…” or “I’d like to share…”
• “I hate to ask, but…” – This phrase makes it seem like your request is a burden. Instead, say: “Could you help me with…” or “I need assistance with…”

Each of these phrases diminishes the strength of your message. By removing unnecessary apologies and qualifiers, you communicate with more authority and conviction.

What to Say Instead

The way we phrase our words shapes how others perceive us. Instead of diluting our statements with excessive politeness, we can express ourselves with confidence and clarity. Here are some powerful alternatives:

• Replace “Sorry” with “Excuse me” or “I have a question.”
  Instead of: “Sorry, can I ask you something?”
  Say: “I have a question about…”
• Use direct, confident language.
  Instead of: “I just wanted to check in on this.”
  Say: “I’m following up on this.”
• Acknowledge time and effort without apologizing.
  Instead of: “Sorry for taking up your time.”
  Say: “I appreciate your time.”

By making these small but impactful changes, we shift the perception of our words from hesitant to assured.

Mindset Shift: Own Your Space

Confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room—it’s about speaking with intention and self-assurance. Women often feel the need to soften their presence, as if taking up space requires an apology. It does not. Here’s how to reframe that mindset:

• You don’t need permission to speak up. Your thoughts and ideas are valuable. Instead of apologizing for sharing them, focus on delivering them with clarity.
• Confidence is about clarity, not volume. You don’t have to be the loudest voice to be heard—you just need to be clear and direct.
• Your words carry weight. When you replace weak phrases with strong statements, you naturally command more respect and attention.

By shifting your mindset, you empower yourself to communicate without unnecessary apologies.

Breaking the habit of unnecessary apologies requires practice. Here are two exercises to help you make the shift:

1. The No-“Sorry” Challenge

For one full day, challenge yourself to avoid saying “sorry” unless it’s truly necessary (for example, if you bump into someone or make a mistake). Instead, find alternative ways to express yourself with confidence. You may be surprised at how often you would have defaulted to an unnecessary apology!

2. Reword Your Emails and Conversations

Before sending your next email or making a request, check for phrases like “Sorry to bother you” or “I just wanted to…” Rewrite them with direct, confident language. Example:

• Instead of: “Sorry to follow up, but I wanted to check on the project’s status.”
• Say: “I’m following up to check on the project status.”

The more you practice, the more natural these assertive statements will become.

Your words hold power—use them with confidence. By replacing unnecessary apologies with clear, direct language, you project self-assurance and command greater respect in personal and professional settings.

Start paying attention when you say “sorry” and swap it out for strong, intentional words. You don’t need permission to speak; your voice deserves to be heard.

Are you up for the challenge? Starting today, notice where you can replace “sorry” with more assertive language. The change may seem small, but the impact is profound.

From sorry to strong—it’s time to own your voice.