When we talk about the concept of sovereignty, we may think of something political or related to government. We know that sovereignty is also a term that describes those who find honoring ourselves allows us to honor others. As we seek to be our most intentional selves and have authentic relationships, we must first look at where we stand when maintaining personal sovereignty.
Stepping Into Your Sovereignty: Getting Out Of Victimhood
We grow up with a picture of how we’re supposed to be. What boxes we’re supposed to fit in, whose thoughts we’re supposed to stay in line with, and whose voice we’re supposed to mirror. The patterns and beliefs we developed were often gleaned from those around us, and often the result of codependent relationships.
As I’ve come to be my most healthy, individual self, I’ve come to know that those preconceived ideas of how to ‘be’ put me in the victim role. Before I learned the purpose and power of intentionality, I’d stayed safe in the boxes because I felt as if I had no other choices. I didn’t know how to be sovereign over my life and outcomes.
I know I’m not alone. Many of us realize that the fear of stepping out and playing outside the box is just that–fear and anxiety. Stepping into sovereignty in our lives doesn’t mean that we don’t carry the fear anymore; it just means that we accept the definition of sovereignty and reject the limiting beliefs we have been living under.
We get in our own way, but the good news is that as we become more sovereign, we get out of our way and step into our destiny. Stepping into our sovereignty allows us to develop autonomy and independence. It’s an awareness that may initially mean we lose some friends and relationships, but those relationships didn’t have healthy boundaries. It’s a personal transformation that awakens us to be who we were created to be.
Fear of stepping out of our tribe is what often prevents us from stepping into our sovereignty. We worry about what those in our world would think if we woke up to who we were meant to be.
The truth is people WANT our authenticity. We all want to relate to others on a more personal and intimate level in meaningful relationships..
This may mean that your circle changes once you create healthy boundaries that allow you to be yourself, but that’s okay because that’s how you live your most authentic life.
My friend and fellow coach Sakura Sutter says that something in the world is imploring us to step into our power, and sovereignty is how we can do so.
When we do, we move away from the victimhood that’s kept us locked in boxes that haven’t been healthy. We take better care of ourselves, put more intention into our own purposes and feelings, and accept the level of responsibility we need to realize our intrinsic power. Doing this allows us to create boundaries that delineate who or what hurts us.
It also lets us be who the people in our world need us to be.
Sovereignty: It’s Okay To Be Unique
Stepping into our sovereignty is accepting our own sacred selves. We recognize our own uniqueness and realize that’s not a bad thing–stepping out of our tribe no longer feels uncomfortable but instead free!
When we do this, we enable others to do the same. We can show the others in our world how to be empowered in their own sacred sense of self. As we take care of ourselves and live as our unique selves, we are able to step into the world around us and be unstoppable in the love we show.
What’s key to sovereignty is a definition I found from Barbara Fagan-Smith. She says, “Personal sovereignty is the intrinsic authority and power of an individual to determine his or her own direction and destiny.
It means not being controlled or manipulated by any person, group, or institution. It means having agency and autonomy over your life; being able to make your own decisions, choose who you are in relationship with and how much space to give them in your life.
It is having the individual power to walk away from situations, people, and communities that don’t honor your sovereignty.
Being sovereign does not mean disengaging or pulling back from our families, communities, governments, or responsibilities. It means knowing ourselves and having healthy boundaries so we can be fully present with the life we choose.”
You see, when you feel empowered to make your own decisions and choices in your best interest, you create the best version of yourself. This version of yourself is the one that’s ready to be in healthy relationships with others.
Author Heather Plett says, “We have a lot of people in the world who have grown up with a warped sense of how to be in relationships with each other, in one-on-one relationships and in country-to-country or community-to-community relationships.
We have to practice negotiating and communicating better in our personal relationships. We must practice having harder conversations and not running away whenever we feel attacked for violating another person’s sovereignty. We have to learn how to communicate expectations and boundaries and not be offended when other people communicate theirs.
We have to evolve how we raise our children so they will grow up with a better sense of their sovereignty.”
I agree with her in so much of this, and the first move toward stepping into our sovereignty starts with our own boundaries. An exercise to help you get pointed in the right direction begins with asking yourself the following questions.
- Look at places where you say, “Yes,” but you really mean, “No.” There is nothing wrong with saying, “No, that’s not for me,” because to do something your heart isn’t in doesn’t represent your true self or motivation. Eventually, this only leads to bitterness and makes you feel out of control.
- Look at where you may not be respected by others (or even are not respecting others). There is no reason for you to be disrespected in life. If you find yourself not respecting someone, it’s likely you’re in a situation you may have said, “Yes,” to but meant, “No,” and find that person or situation exactly how your gut knew it would be–not for you. It is absolutely imperative you feel safe finding respect, and being in the company of those you respect.
- Look at places you may let others make decisions for you or you are making decisions for them. Do you feel safe in making those decisions? Do you feel those making decisions for you have your best at heart?
- Do you feel safe and worthy when you use your voice? You ARE worthy and having a voice is your inherent right. Your feelings matter as others’ do!
- Consider your core values. What are the things you will stake your battle flag on, so to speak? Find those things that you know define you in your soul, and then create boundaries around them.
We all have the right to feel safe and have our needs met, but we have to be the ones who make the decisions as to what that looks like and how to achieve it.
When you step into your sovereignty, you’ll be setting examples for others as well, and that ripple effect can change the world!