It’s a struggle. Life is a struggle. What is this moving from head to heart anyway? I’m open. I meditate and do my inner work.
Then why is there sadness? Why is there a heavy feeling in my chest? Why is there a disconnected feeling from my body?
Those were questions that I have been pondering the last few years as I went through one surgery then another then another. What was happening? Then a few months ago more pain and my body going into spasm. After all the training and work that was going on within me I felt betrayed. Again. This time though it wasn’t from somebody else…it was from myself.
Starting a business filets you right open. That’s how it has felt. All the skeletons come out and the beliefs come up and it can feel like the biggest roller coaster ride of your life with no end. At least that’s what my head was saying.
Yet that’s what it is all about. How can I share about forgiveness without understanding fully what forgiveness entails? On all levels.
Making the decision to take a pause in my business and do some deep inner work to help my physical healing was one of those types of roller coaster times. My head going crazy with that self-talk that wasn’t pleasant and down right mean while my heart said “Ahhhh….she’s listening”.
That was it. That moment of moving head to heart.
There were no words as tears softly rolled down my cheeks. It was an understanding at a level where no words were needed.
My heart was broken open. After all the times I tried to get my heart to open on this deeper level that I knew needed healing. Always striving trying to make it happen and being upset when it didn’t. When what was needed was a sweet surrender to make an opening just enough for the light to pour in and allow me to pour out.
What a ride this journey called life. Forgiveness of self for holding our beautiful light back is in order. Having compassion for ourselves when we feel it isn’t happening and really wanting it to happen. It happens when it’s time to happen. And that’s beautiful.
We keep moving forward one step at a time and sometimes we leap. Yet, it isn’t about the striving or proving. It’s about allowing. Feel your heart and let it know you’re ready when it is.