What happens when you’re a strong, self-aware woman who keeps finding herself in the same toxic relationship patterns? This deeply personal episode explores that exact question as I share my journey through multiple failed relationships and the profound healing work that finally broke the cycle.

The episode opens with a confession that many listeners will recognize: “I told myself it would be different this time. This relationship started with passion, excitement and connection… Yet it didn’t take long before feeling that familiar pit in my stomach.” Despite our intelligence and awareness, many of us unconsciously recreate painful patterns because our inner world is repeating what it learned in childhood.

I define a toxic relationship cycle as “a recurring pattern of emotional unhealthiness that keeps you stuck in relationships that drain your self-worth rather than support your growth.” These patterns feel normal because they’re emotionally familiar, often rooted in unresolved childhood wounds where love was tied to pain, inconsistency, or neglect.

The heart of the episode outlines five clear signs you’re caught in this cycle. First, always doing the emotional labor – constantly initiating difficult conversations, managing your partner’s moods, and carrying emotional weight for two people. Growing up never knowing how my mother would react taught me to be the peacekeeper, a role I carried into every relationship.

Second, chaos feeling more familiar than peace. I share how my therapist’s words revolutionized my understanding: “Love isn’t like Hollywood movies. It’s not supposed to be about intensity.” When you can’t eat or sleep because of “chemistry,” that’s often your nervous system responding to danger signals from past experiences, not healthy connection.

Third, ignoring red flags because you see potential. With raw honesty, I share how my AA sponsor cut through our group’s romantic delusions: “Any relationship based on potential is fucked.” The painful truth is that you can’t love someone into being who they’re not ready to be – every time you stay for their potential, you abandon your present reality.

Fourth, shrinking yourself to keep peace. Real love doesn’t ask you to dim your light or silence your truth. If you find yourself tiptoeing around someone’s comfort zone, it’s a clear sign the relationship lacks mutual respect and emotional safety.

Fifth, ending up in the same dynamic with different people – “same content, different package.” Through my forgiveness work, I discovered my core beliefs: “I have to work hard to get love,” “Love is painful,” and most powerfully, “Any man that I love will choose another woman or something over me.” When I traced this pattern back through my relationship timeline, I saw it play out repeatedly – partners choosing other women, jobs, sports, or money over me.

The turning point came when I stopped gaslighting myself. In my third marriage, I knew my husband was having an affair but he convinced me it was my “insecurities” and “jealousy.” When I finally found proof, it reinforced the crucial lesson about trusting my intuition.

I then offer five practical ways to break these cycles: validating your experience instead of gaslighting yourself, reconnecting with boundaries as acts of self-love rather than selfishness, doing the inner work through therapy or coaching, giving yourself permission to start differently, and practicing choosing peace over familiar patterns.

The episode acknowledges that healing isn’t linear – while we may never completely stop repeating patterns, we can catch ourselves much quicker and with less intensity when we’ve done the root work.

I conclude with powerful affirmations: “You are not broken. You are becoming aware… Every time you choose your truth over your trauma, you break a piece of this cycle.” The message is clear – you’re allowed to want emotional safety, to be fully expressed and deeply loved, and to rewrite your story even if you wrote the first chapters differently.

This episode speaks to anyone who’s ever wondered “How did I end up here again?” and offers both the compassionate understanding of someone who’s walked this path and practical tools for creating healthier relationship patterns. It’s a reminder that awareness is the first step, but healing requires both recognition and action.