“I could have all of this love for someone else or compassion for someone else, but I didn’t have it for me.” 

These words from my guest Louisa Hext capture the heart of so many healing journeys – learning to extend to ourselves the same compassion we freely give others.

Louisa’s story begins beautifully, with a genuine friendship between a middle-aged woman and an elderly man named Gordy. What started as a coffee shop conversation blossomed into a pseudo father-daughter relationship where Louisa helped with appointments, grocery shopping, and companionship. For someone who had always been drawn to elders – from visiting a Holocaust survivor in London as a teenager to interviewing Jewish women about surviving with purpose – this relationship felt natural and meaningful.

The nightmare began after Gordy’s death in December 2012, when a social worker’s due diligence investigation led to accusations of financial exploitation. Despite Gordy being alive and well during the investigation, defending their friendship, Louisa found herself facing felony charges for allegedly taking $12,000 – money that had been used for his groceries and care during their years of friendship.

The legal battle that followed reveals the cruel irony of a system designed to protect elders but that can devastate the very people who provide genuine care. Faced with the choice between risking prison or accepting a plea bargain, Louisa chose the latter – a decision that haunted her for nearly a decade. The requirements included paying back money to the state, house arrest, and living with a public record that would follow her everywhere.

“Whether I wanted to or not, I really had to get to know myself,” Louisa reflects on the forced introspection that followed. For three years, she lived in what she describes as “an abyss of self-pity” – grieving not just the loss of her friend but her reputation, sense of safety, and faith in justice.

The turning point came through deliberate choice and deep inner work. Louisa describes loving the six-year-old version of herself, keeping a photo on her desk of herself pouring wine for her father – a reminder of innocence and joy before life became complicated. Through therapy, coaching, and what she calls “reverse engineering forgiveness,” she began the slow process of releasing resentment and reclaiming her story.

The episode’s most powerful moment comes when Louisa shares her recent victory – obtaining an expungement that sealed her record forever. After nearly a decade of background checks revealing her past, she can now apply for jobs without explanation. Yet when this moment finally arrived, she felt surprisingly flat rather than elated.

As her coach and friend, I normalized this response: “Your body is letting go of the grief because it could finally let go after holding on for so long. Your nervous system needed a whole reset.” This moment beautifully illustrates how healing isn’t always the explosive celebration we expect – sometimes it’s the quiet exhale of a body finally safe enough to release what it’s been holding.

Throughout our conversation, Louisa demonstrates the difference between spiritual bypassing and genuine healing work. She couldn’t go around the fence – she had to climb over it. This meant facing shame, anger, and resentment head-on, learning to love herself through the process, and developing the discipline to choose growth even when it felt impossible.

Now a successful life coach specializing in family dynamics and forgiveness, Louisa brings unique depth to her work. Having walked through the fire of false accusations, legal battles, and public shame, she offers clients something textbooks can’t teach – the embodied knowledge of how to rebuild from ashes.

The episode concludes with Louisa’s offerings – a free clarity discovery call and a four-week online course that provides a framework for moving forward. But perhaps her greatest gift is simply the example of her own transformation: proof that we can rewrite our stories not as victims, but as people who chose resilience and growth.

This conversation is essential listening for anyone carrying shame, facing false accusations, or wondering if healing is possible after devastating betrayal. Louisa’s journey reminds us that while we can’t control what happens to us, we can always choose how we respond.

Thanks for listening, your support is greatly appreciated.

Louisa’s Website and Links: 

• Website – https://consultantshext.com
• LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/louisahext
• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/your_forgiveness_story/
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/louisa.j.hext
• Freebie Webinar- https://www.consultantshext.com/home/forgiveness-webinar/
• Free 60 minute one on one discovery call: https://www.consultantshext.com/contact/