At 13 years old, Madeleine Black’s life was forever changed by a violent sexual assault that left her physically and emotionally shattered. Yet today, she stands as one of the most powerful voices in trauma recovery, sexual violence advocacy, and the transformative power of forgiveness. Her journey from silence to strength offers profound lessons for anyone navigating their own healing path.
“It’s never too late to find your voice so that you can heal and live your best life.”
What struck me most about our conversation was Madeleine’s raw authenticity about the healing process. This wasn’t a linear journey from trauma to triumph. Instead, it was decades of “literally peeling back the layers of trauma” – a process that required immense courage and patience. When her eldest daughter turned 13, memories came flooding back “like a truck,” forcing her to confront what she’d tried to convince herself was behind her.
“I always call myself an accidental forgiver,” Madeleine shares with characteristic honesty. “The idea kind of just came to me one day, really for myself, not really for them. Because I was just filled with hate and revenge and bitterness, and I saw that holding on to all of that was like me drinking poison, expecting them to be sick.”
The path to healing included becoming a psychotherapist herself, working with other survivors, and gradually reclaiming all the parts of life that trauma had stolen. Through what she calls “exposure therapy,” Madeleine systematically faced her fears – from taking lifts alone to choosing male healthcare providers, from learning karate to lifting weights in gyms full of men.
“Fear was my main friend. We walked very closely together, hand by hand, along with shame and guilt,” she explains. “But when I saw that fear was lying to me, I realized everything I was scared about had already happened. The worst-case scenario had happened.” This realization became the foundation for her remarkable transformation.
Perhaps most powerfully, Madeleine reframes forgiveness not as something she owed her attackers, but as a gift to herself. “I realized that I don’t really have anything to forgive myself for. But for years I felt I brought it on myself… 100% of all rapes without a doubt are caused by rapists. Nothing else. So really, I don’t have anything to forgive myself for.”
Her approach to forgiveness challenges common misconceptions. “I’ll never forgive the act of rape,” she clarifies. “I can’t forgive that because it was total violation on your body, your mind, your psyche.” Instead, her forgiveness was about refusing to let the trauma define her future and choosing peace over perpetual pain.
The conversation touches on the profound impact of sharing our stories. Madeleine calls survivors “story healers” rather than storytellers, emphasizing how courage becomes contagious when we witness others’ bravery. “It was me listening to someone bravely sharing their story that gave me the courage… We can mirror what we see in someone else.”
Throughout our dialogue, Madeleine emphasizes that healing isn’t about comparison. “It’s not about that. It’s really how it hits us and what it does to us,” she explains, offering validation for anyone whose trauma might feel “smaller” than others’. Every wound matters, and every healing journey is valid.
Her practical wisdom extends beyond forgiveness to concrete healing strategies. From therapeutic bodywork to plant medicine, from karate to hypnotherapy, Madeleine explored every avenue that might help her reclaim her life. “You have to find your way,” she emphasizes, “but there will be a way.”
Now a grandmother, Madeleine reflects on how her healing journey has rippled through generations. Her “best revenge” – living fully and raising strong daughters – has created a legacy of resilience that extends far beyond her own story.
For anyone struggling with trauma, shame, or the seemingly impossible task of forgiveness, Madeleine’s story offers both hope and practical guidance. Her final message is simple yet profound: “It’s never too late to find your voice so that you can heal and live your best life.”
Thanks for listening, your support is greatly appreciated.
About Madeleine Black
Madeleine Black is an author, professional speaker, sexual violence activist, former psychotherapist and has a podcast show called “Unbroken: Healing Through Storytelling”
After decades of silence, Madeleine decided to share her own story publicly online in September 2014 and she completely underestimated what the response would be.
She is passionate about speaking out to end the shame, stigma and silence surrounding sexual violence and to help others find their courage and voice too.
Madeleine’s Website and Links:
Resources:
- Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources (click here).
- Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz (click here) to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive.
0 Comments