Forgiveness is actually about you. Your emotional freedom, your inner peace, and your journey towards healing. It is an act of self liberation that allows you to let go of the heavy burdens tied to resentment and pain and shame and guilt.

In this transformative episode, I tackle a question that strikes at the heart of forgiveness work: How is forgiveness a gift to the forgiver rather than the person who caused harm? This question, posed by one of my clients struggling with forgiveness, opens up a powerful exploration of what forgiveness truly means and its profound impact on our lives.

I begin by addressing one of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness – the idea that it’s about excusing someone’s behavior or letting them off the hook. This misconception often becomes a major barrier to forgiveness, keeping us trapped in cycles of resentment and pain. Instead, I explain how forgiveness is actually about personal liberation and emotional freedom.

When you forgive, you’re releasing yourself from the emotional prison built by anger and bitterness.

Throughout the episode, I dive deep into the concept of emotional imprisonment that comes with holding onto resentment and blame. I share how when we’re unwilling to forgive, we actually give away our power, allowing past hurts and those who caused them to control our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I illustrate this through my personal experience with my ex-husband, revealing how I eventually realized that by holding onto blame, I was the one suffering, not him.

I explore the fascinating concept of “secondary gain” – the unconscious benefits we might be getting from holding onto our pain. Perhaps we’re using blame as a shield to avoid taking risks, starting new relationships, or embracing our full potential. This understanding can be revolutionary in our forgiveness journey.

We are not our mistakes. When we forgive ourselves, we give ourselves permission to heal those emotional wounds that are keeping us stuck.

A significant portion of the episode focuses on self-forgiveness, which I describe as “the key that unlocks the door to our own hearts.” I discuss how many of us carry our mistakes like a heavy backpack, constantly replaying our missteps and punishing ourselves. But this self-punishment serves only to keep us stuck in the past and prevents us from embracing who we are in the present moment.

I address the challenge of being a perfectionist (speaking as a recovering perfectionist myself) and the importance of accepting that we deserve love and kindness despite our imperfections. This act of self-compassion is crucial for building a healthier relationship with ourselves and others.

Forgiving others or forgiving ourselves is ultimately the gift to the forgiver. It is an act of grace that prioritizes your own well being, your own healing, and your own growth.

The episode includes practical guidance for listeners who might be feeling overwhelmed by the weight of resentment or self-criticism. I offer simple exercises, like rolling your shoulders and taking deep breaths, to begin releasing these burdens. I emphasize that forgiveness doesn’t have to happen all at once – it’s actually a series of small, compassionate choices we make for ourselves.

I explain how true forgiveness transforms not only our relationship with ourselves but also our connections with others. When we’re not weighed down by guilt and shame, we can show up more fully, present, and understanding in our relationships.

Throughout the episode, I weave in key insights about:

• How forgiveness is an act of self-liberation
• Why holding onto resentment gives away our power
• The role of self-compassion in the forgiveness journey
• How perfectionism can block our path to self-forgiveness
• The importance of taking small steps in the forgiveness process

You don’t have to forgive everything all at once. And you do not have to rush the process. Start small. Give yourself permission to release just a little of that guilt or anger today and then notice how that feels.

I conclude by reminding listeners that forgiveness is indeed a process – one that doesn’t need to be rushed or forced. It’s about making small, compassionate choices for ourselves each day. This journey, while challenging, ultimately leads to greater emotional freedom and inner peace.

Thank you so much for being here. Share this episode with someone who might find it helpful, and let’s cultivate a community of understanding and forgiveness together. And feel free to reach out anytime, I’m here for you.